What the hell am I talking abt????

I had to visit Knowledge Village yesterday and its was weird to see groups of kids, sitting around, commenting on the passerby(But never me I am sure) and basically having a fun time. It gave me a severe heart ache....... tooooo many memories came flooding back.
Like my first day in college,
I was in a convent till my tenth and so the prospect of wearing jeans to college was in itself a great event. So i went, decked in brand new sneakers and jeans and t shirt........ ready to take on the world, which in my head consisted mostly of pamela and co. running towards me as in every baywatch episode. But reality, like maggi tomato ketchup, is different. What i did have is a few guys beat me up due to the fact that my sneakers were new(have still not figured out the connection, but that was the given reason). Actually a few of my school mates too got the same treatment from the 'Cobra gang' and that evening v had a council of war. So v formed a new gang called 'Vipers'. As anyone who has been in a campus knows, the basic duty of any gang is to harass as many people as possible and write their gang name on as many walls as possible. So v started off by writing our names on the walls and erasing off theirs. But, not the whole thing, just CO. So the next day when they came into college, they had become bra vinod, bra prasad and so on. The bruises from the beating they gave us after that is still scattered over my body.
But the crowning glory of that experience happened couple of months back....... I saw vinod of 'bra vinod' fame in Dubai. He was the security guard at an office that I went to for a meeting.HA!!

Thats what I love about life....... it more or less levels up.

Something that intrigues me is the fine line between fame and infamy. Hitler, cruel as he was, is one of the most famous names.... used even as an adjective nowadays.
Cruel people seem much less so after their death. If someone v hate dies....... the hate seems to die too.
This makes me feel that, v are actually programmed to b happy, to have fun and all that. So if happiness and fun for someone is hurting others, how is he or she wrong....... Ouch! I am trying to bite my own tail here.

So better stop now ....b4 i bite the whole thing off.

Rahul and I

Sa Re Ga Ma Pa ........ once my favorite program on television. It was the only show that actually showcased the depth of musical talent present in India......in its last edition the depth of talent was represented by the inflated egos of 5 music directors of bollywood(Jatin Lalit became 2 from 1 when they had a divorce). I have nothing against the music directors themselves.... its just that i feel that i am better than all of them put together.

Yes....its true, I am a musical genius.

*flashback - age 2*

"chocolateeeeeeeeeee......waaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh"
Mom:"Hear that???? he is perfectly in sruti......he is going to become a great musician"
Dad :"Yes....shall I teach him aaditalam on his thigh??????"

*age 5*

"saregamapadhanisaaaaaaa"
"he is highly talented, has discovered totally new swarasthanams...... he will be a great musician, changing the face of music." : Music teacher, who will definately wish to remain anonymous if she still needs a career

*age 9*

"Balikudeeerangaleeeeeee....."
"what a voice he has" who else but my mom....... doesnt she love me or no??????


*age 14*

"Balikudeeerangaleeeeeee....."
"Y dont you try for All India Radio Rahul????" a 'former' friend, "at least then we can switch the radio off!!!!!!!!!"


*age 16*

"Balikudeeerangaleeeeeee......"
-Slap.......whack-(Courtesy ABVP, Part of RSS.... the above is a famous communist drama anthem)


*age 19*

Part of a band in college...... Lead vocals...(No commie rock songs........no more slaps)
First jig, a police association annual celebration.
"We will shock the audience...... Lets start of with 'Smoke on the Water' " - The lead singer

"Jhang jhang jhang, jhang jhang jhajhang, jhang jhang jhang jhang jhang" (One of the greatest guitar intro's ever..........well, u have to hear it not read it for the right effect)

The lead singer takes a look at the SHOCKED audience and goes into a frenzy of head banging.

The drums join in and he grabs the mike to 'sing' the lyrics...."we all came down to montreal......."

Its a world record........................ About 300 people left the auditorium in anout 30 seconds.......leaving behind the said bands family and friends.
(Lucky v didnt get thrown in Jail....... my head banging probably frightened them off)


*age 28*

"I am better than all of the music directors"

*end flashback*

Yes..........Its true, I am a musical genius.

Rambling..................

I am back!!!!!!The dwarfs have laid down their weapons ...although grumpy is still potterring about.... and I am back to work. And its official.... i hate Micosoft Outlook. And its not the under the surface seething hate, but the blow my top, bash my screen one. I dont understand y they have to specify the time and give a provision for a reciept.....other than to prove my inefficiency. I would prefer snail mail ....so that i can always blame the post office. But in the end MO is like girls....u cant live with it(them), nor without it(them).
That brings me to my favorite topic....girls. But hold on a sec..... i better not go there... after this womans day blogathon, i am terrified of girls. Even the ceremonial airkisses assume dangerous connotations for me now.......what if she feels I am going over board?????? and what if i appear in someones blog for the NEXT blogathon????? Shit!!!!!!! So now I am training myself to rein in my 'party training'(As important as the fruedian potty training.......this one basically dictates how much of a clown a person can b in future parties) which was sooo damn hard in the first place.
I remember the first time I went back to my home town after my avtar as the svavue, sophisticated, cosmopolitan weirdo and met one of my college friends ...... I gave her a hug and asked her how she was doing and I suddenly realized that I was 'on screen' with around 40 ppl watching me with shocked eyes and my 'heroine' contemplating whether she should use her sandal or bag or hand to test the strength of my teeth..... luckily for me, I use dentures(courtesy a 15 year old kid who backed into me and my friends on the pavement in Karol Bagh) and the worst that could have happened is me ordering for a new set. Fortunately, she did have a good sense of humour and let me off with a kick to my shins.
And I want to meet the guy/girl who invented this airkissing routine....... its sooooo tough. I had to endure a lot of giggles b4 I learnt that the decibel of the kiss doesnt determine a successful routine and that three times is the accepted system.
Anyway...... the point here is that(is there one?????) I am much more concious now of how i behave around my....errr downtrodden friends.
What I would appreciate at this juncture is a blogathon on guys who have been nice to girls ..... a stranger who helped expecting nothing in return or something like that. The idea is to let idiots like me know how to behave and also give us a few incidents to aspire to. Do give us a few do's instead of only donts.

Cough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I dont feel good today.......................it feels as if the seven dwarfs needed a new location to mine in and they chose my throat. The good news is that I am sure that they are well into the 21st century from the way they are using the pneumatic drills.
Its actually not that bad, it only hurts when i eat, drink, speak or breathe. But the worst part of this is that its just not bad enough for me to take a leave. But my office is thinking of giving me an off tomorrow...... I have designed this cough(yup! i do mean designed...as i practied the whole of last night to make it perfect....) which sounds like the proverbial 'death rattle'...... trust me, every time i let it go, the whole office shudders and they watch me with lovely expressions of disgust while i search for my lungs that should have come out in the force(I wonder if lungs are actually white and yellow globules.......... new discovery?????).
The only positive is the fact that nobody comes near my desk and so I am free to do what i want. my boss did ask me abt the quote that i was to send today and when i said,"Cough!!!(splat...... a piece of my 'lung' on his red tie)aheeeemmmgggglllglgl" he was very understanding and told me to take it easy and gave me his tie as a present.......nice guy.
So I went to a doctor in the afternoon and was promptly told to go back in the evening as the doc was off for his afternoon siesta........So I decided to have lunch and went to burger king and had a whopper meal(it was sooooooo difficult to drink all of the coke....but i managed....test of true determination). Then I went back to the clinic and luckily for me the doc was free(after paying aed.50 of course) and saw me immidiately. Then I did a brief i-pod impression, when he was listening to various parts of my body .... and he proclaimed that I had a chest conjestion.....I have no idea how that is as I had pain only in my throat....the fool!!, and told me to follow the hot nurse and take the medication. She took me to a small room and asked me to drop my pants.....yaaayyyyyyyyy.....OUCHHHHHH...... i dont have to tell u what heppened next..... Now, i have a cough, sore throat and a sore right cheek!!!!!!! I am standing and typing this in..........................

Money for nothing....

I hate them.............. really really hate them.
The irony is that, till about six months back they were my best friends, they used to b with me where ever I went and I had a lot of fun with them..... But like all weekend raves, all good things must come to an end and unlike Krishen Kumars acting career, all bad things dont come to a fast end.
Who am I talking abt?????Banks Of course....
I used to watch all the Visa and American Express adverts back home and had put using them as one of my goals in life(I know, Iknow......but its my life and I can set any goal i want). So as soon as I joined my job in Dubai, I applied for, and got my First card. 19 days and 22 swipes later, I got my first 'card rejected' slip. But I am not so easily disuaded....... I took both master and visa from another bank(the first one is obviously bad as they refused me any more money even though I defaulted only one payment.....the first one) and was able to parry the rejection slip for almost a month(i was travelling on an official trip for 17 of those days). Then another bank called and offered me a huge limit and I saw the end to all my troubles(already my balance was around 4 times my salary) as i created the perfect plan. I will transfer all the other three of my card balances onto this one and get back in control. But exactly then my holiday happened............ $5000 available balance became $5300 payable in a span of not more than 10 parties.
So to recap, 4 cards; No available balance; Monthly minimum payable of more than 50% of my salary!
Whats the solution?????? Simple...take a personal loan and clear of all the cards at one go.....it will b lesser interest and a single point payment. Perfect.
2 mobiles+1 home theatre system+3 city centre trips(SALE!!!!)+'Special' orthopeadic bed and cot +countless 'happy hour' nights = 1 personal loan.
I never knew that the formula was sooo simple .....
In the middle of all this, the stupid Emirates Driving School ppl gave me my licence......... So the situation now, 5 Cards(they gave me another card with the car loan......poof!); No available balance; 1 personal loan; 1 car loan........
So whats the solution?????? Simple....go to the boss and ask for more money. Its surprising how fast a bureaucratic set up can react when it needs to and I had my walking papers in 2 hours..... apparantly the company doesnt run just because of me!!!!! Imagine!!!!!
Now with, 5 cards; No available balance; 1 personal loan; 1 car loan; late payment & over limit charges; and 10 CV's, I set out .... Bhikshaandaehi!!!!!!!

But every dark cloud has a silver lining............. other than Mohanlal, no speck of light can possibly get around that frame now, I have a job with almost 2 times my old salary and 5 times my old work, am well on my way to closing my second card and six months since my last swipe........ had a brief relapse when I HAD to buy a couple of levi's. But its under control now and am in the process of perfecting the art of mooching........ (rahul's idiom for moochers: Go pee while they pay). And my heart felt advice to other aspiring victims of the credit quick sand, have a blast as its great while it lasts.....but remember, like every girl in America(Confidential Source:Boston Legal on Star World) U have the right to say No at anytime...and No means No!!!!!!!!!

Maturity.........

I think its time ..... time for me to buckle down, stow away my immaturity and write about something serious. Yes....... all the finger pointers who have yelled at me to grow up(other than my girlfriend who actually wants me to b a little taller) will look sickly after today when i will b sooo mature that maturity will b renamed rahul.
That brings me to the pertinant point...... what the hell is maturity???????? My uncle feels that not cracking PJ's is THE sign of maturity(i will never mature then)...... my grand uncle(my lord voldermot) has no such parameters......he has decided that I will never b mature.......my father feels that saving money is being mature(never...if u cant spend it,u dont deserve it I say).....the list goes on and on....
So as a first step to attain maturity, I am reinventing myself.....or rather my voice. I am in the process of cultivating a deep baritone that will leave amitabh bachchan awestruck. trust me, by the time I am through with myself, I will sound as if I am proverbial frog in the well (koopa mandukam)....... not the ignorant one, but the one with the resonating, echoing deeeeeeeeep voice(remember the prince after the princess kissed the frog????what a voice)........ok, mayb the comparison doesnt quite work the way i wanted it to, but i hope u get the drift.
But the biggest problem about maturity is the what took the poodle haired guy his lifetime to discover ....relativity. I look at myself and the decisions I take and I feel sooo bloody mature that my eyebrows should logically b white. But.........!!!!! So I am gonna take the einstein legacy forward and create the ultimate relative maturity questionnaire....

Please give truthful answers to the questions given below and do not scroll down if you want accurate results.

1. Which is your favorite dog? (a)Labrador (b)Doberman(c)Pomeranian(d)Lapazo
2. Which is your favorite colour?a)Greenish Black(b)Reddish Black(c)Yellowish Black(d)black
3. Which is your favorite dosa?a)Masala Dosa(b)Ghee Roast(c)Paneer Dosa(d)Family Dosa
4. Which is your favorite Country?(a)India(b)China(c)Somalia(d)USA
5. Who would u like to b when u grow up?a)Politician(b)Fireman(c)Policeman(d)Bill Gates

The ratings of your maturity, based on ur responses, are given below:

1. Labrador-Wise, loving; Doberman-Angry, no tail;Pomeranian-shrill;lapazo-No idea
2. Greenish Black-Envious, nauseaus; Reddish Black-Anger, Black eye; Yellowish Black-Mr.Denzel Lee ; Black- Amitabh Bachchan
3. Masala Dosa- Flatulance ; Ghee roast-Annapurna Gowri Shankar; Paneer Dosa-Yuck;Family Dosa- Y the hell??????????
4. India-Young Population; China-too many old ppl; Somalia; too many sick ppl;USA- too many Dumb ppl
5. If you answered this question you are immature............ since u urself feel that u still have to 'grow up'.

Am sure that by now u would have realised that there is nobody more rahul than rahul and that since rahul is called rahul from now on, rahul is rahul.(if u suddenly feel that u are reading someother language, please refer 1st para, last line)

English around the world

As a rule, I am totally against putting up forwards as posts.........but since i am totally against being against anything, I am going to put this one I got today and which I found to b real good.


In a Bangkok temple: "IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN."
Cocktail lounge , Norway:"LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR."
Doctor's office, Rome:"SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES."
Dry cleaners, Bangkok:"DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS."
In a Nairobi restaurant: "CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER."
On a poster in Kenya:"ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP."
On an Athi River highway (this is the main road to Mombasa) leaving Nairobi ."TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE."
In a City restaurant :"OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS."
A notice seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer:"DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS."
In a cemetery:"PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANYBUT THEIR OWN GRAVES."
A Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations: "GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHERDISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED."
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: "OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR."
In a Tokyo bar: "SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS."
Hotel, Yugoslavia :"THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOBOF THE CHAMBERMAID."
Hotel, Japan :"YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID."
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel, across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:"YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY."
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: "IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ON UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE."
Hotel, Zurich:"BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE."
Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:"WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?"
On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: "GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE."
In a Swiss mountain inn: "SPECIAL TODAY - NO ICE-CREAM."
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen: "WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS."
A laundry in Rome:"LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME."

Kishhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.........

No....... I am not talking abt a sequel to Koi Mil Gaya..........and no super heroes here.......but I am gonna try and do a Bill Bryson here.
A lovely tropical Island..........sunbathed pristene beaches...........lovely blue waters..........idyllic lifestyle.........very low population..................no entry Visa required
Fully covered when u venture out to the beach.................................no 'indecent' attire when swimming in the sea..........no english television channels............ and the wost of alllllllll, the biggest crime, NO BEER(or any alcohol for that matter)
WELCOME TO KISH ISLAND!!!!!!!!! where the height of revelry is talking abt booze and sex.........where the women exit the aircraft in jeans and tees and by the time they reach the immigration counter, look like one of the rejects from Ramses Tomb(honest to god....they are all shepearded into a room and trussed up in burkhas and scarves).........where the only thing that the TV plays are updated visa arrivals............ Ideal holiday spot anyone??????????
The majority of the arrivals into this dingy airport are poor souls like me from the UAE who have to change their visa as their visit visa ran out and need a place to hide out till the new visa is issued and the rest are poor souls who have to change their visa and need a place to hide out till the new visa is issued.........This must be the smallest Island in the world with an airline of its own...Kish Airlines. I am writing this in a haze as I am still suffering from jet lag and the 5* comforts of the flight.
Have u ever seen as autorikshaw with wings???????if u havent try Khish Airlines......its an experience to be missed if ever possible. When all my fellow passengers made a beeline for the aircraft, I gave my superior smile and pitied their foolish hurry as I had insisted at the check in counter for seat 2A(right in front) and GOT IT. And when I swaggered in, I was shocked to see a filipino girl perched in my seat and talking animatedly to her companian.......I know my rights ...... i am educated and have an MBA ...and so in my most svauve manner I brushed back my hair and told her......."errrr....excuuuse me.....errrrrrr...hmmmmm...ahemmm""pahano kayakenjkauakkjakka" she shot back ......... ohohhhhh that blast would have laid any lesser mortal low....but v trikkadeeri's are made of sterner stuff(lots of curd rice in the past), I went upto the moving face which i correctly assumed to be an air hostess(keen observation u see) and showed her my boarding pass.......... everything will b cleared up now.......i will show that girl whos the boss. "Seeet"-airhostess........"HUH"-mba(on her lap??????big inner smile........"anywhere seeeeeeet"-airhostess......."huh???????"-mba(its the classic use of one single word giving different meanings by the subtle changes in the pronounciation......am not a pg for nothing)Unfortunately the subtility was lost on the girl and she turned away leaving me half way thru my next "hhhhhhhuhh!!!!"(wanted to do the exclamation pronounciation.....but ...) so i trudged to the end of the flight oblivious to the smirks and the sniggers proud of the fact tht I stood up for my self,a laa 'rang de basanti' the movie.......or did i?????? anyway....... i had hardly seated myself when the conductor closed the door and v were off........it really felt like one of those KSRTC buses back home. I was putting on my seatbelt and suddenly one guy threw the inflight meal at me......i swear he did.......and when i ravenously opened it up,behold...3 sweetmeal biscuts, a pack of peanuts and one pineapple drink!!!!!! I was contemplating on Karma and how this is the ideal punishment for leaving my last job just because i am getting more money and the started to open the peanuts when I hear a sinister voice saying "finis???" and the box was snatched away and the seatbelt sign came on and we landed.
The sign said,"welcome to Kish, the visa free island" and in small print under it "visa valid for 14 days"
So I hitched up my jeans and got into the immigration line for my 'Gandhijayanthi holiday'......ie no booze holiday.

The drunken inventor

Move over 'mini skirts', I have been introduced to the greatest invention in the history of mankind last night(misinformed masses even consider 'the wheel' as the one..........but lets face it ppl, when was the last time a wheel got u either dumbstruck or high???) and it is....(drumroll)..... "After drink"(AD).
Its an innocuous looking tablet with comes in a holding strip (free accessory) and in a lovely red pack (again totally free) which belies the miraculous properties it offers u. U pop one after every drink u have and.......vola.....absolutely no hangover the next day.Really!!!!! I woke up today morning with absolutely no P.M.P.S (Post Monthly Pubathalon Syndrome). Ok ..... my legs are still cramping up like mad and my back still aches as when in a brief flash of beer bravado, I tried the backflip which i was really good at appreciating during my college days......... thanks Abi for lifting me up and carrying me away from the dance floor b4 the scantily clad brood had a good look at the little guy with the weird side burns who suddenly got lost in the smoke(thank you smoke machine).
I am sure that AD is gonna revolutionize the whole system.........i.e- MY system by which I party only on thursdays and of course pubathalon days. But the tough part is to remember to pop a pill (dejavu anyone??)after every drink. The first two pints its ok.....but then it starts to get hazier..... So in the larger interests of the human race, i have decided to invent an after drink reminder (ADR).
Bye...bye roomie..... I am going to buy my penthouse at the Burj Dubai from the royalities of ADR. It is a complicated equipment and I will try my best to explain it in laymans terms for the non beeraholics......

ADR Components:

1. A high quality shrink wrapping to protect the box
2. A high quality box for the shrink wrapping to be wrapped around
3. A high quality laminated card with instructions to be reminded of AD at every new order
4. A high quality glossy printed disclaimer
5. A high quality envelope with a 10 dirham note ( can be customised for various other currencies)
6. A high quality picture of Yana Gupta in a swim suit

Inventors Note: I am sure that you have noticed the great importance I give to quality and am sure that you will be realize that the price is much lower than it should be.......... but thats me, always giving and giving.....

Usage Instructions:

1. Carefully unwrap the high quality shrink wrapping
2. Open the box from the side marked 'open' facing the east (Very Important... feng shui integration)
3. Carefully take out the disclaimer and sign it.......absolving the inventor of any libel arising from any side effects or non performance of ADR
4. Take out(carefully) the laminated card and the envelope and give it to the waiter attending to your table/barman if sitting at the bar(A different model also comes with multiple cards for crowded bars when different waiters might service......at a slightly higher cost of course)
5. Carefully remove the Yana Gupta photograph and appreciate the design powers of the almighty
6. Relax and enjoy the best buy u ever had.....

Distributors interested to be a part of the greatest invention in the history of mankind(the cynics will ask, 'its not AD anymore???'.....the formula is simple.....I=the greatest ever, therefore, my invention = the greatest ever) can please contact me at the earliest but I reserve the Saudi Arabian market for myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Am in heaven.......

Its that time of the month again...........its the cramps that are the worst and the headaches.....oh goddddd!!! Tonight is my monthly pubathalon.(It used to b the 15th but am travelling tomorrow evening) 11 outlets in 5 hours................... My office calls it fam trip and I call it Utopia. Seriously, what can b better than free beer from 11 of the best discs in the city??????? Ok.....free beer from 15 could be even better.......but I have learnt to b happy within my limitations(is there no limit to my humility???). The only bone I have to pick with them is that they dont let me do it on a thursday(friday holiday here) so that I can sleep it off....so tomorrow morning is gonna b real bad......... as I am travelling in the evening I cant even go in late to the office.....life can b a bitch.
But being a devoted employee and a confirmed beeraholic, I am ready to suffer all this in the line of duty. Dont ask what number of beer I can drink, but ask the number i didnt drink.(self sacrificing too...wow) And the best part of this exercise.....i get to use the company credit card...........i ask u, can life get better??????? Of course it can....... life can get much better if I had continuous use of the card and every day was like tonight when i can get sloshed with my boss's blessings...and money.
Times a wasting............... have to leave now and have my pubathalon shower(half a bottle of perfume) and wear my pubathalon uniform(my old denim jacket) and spike up my hair(to look taller)......and ....... good night sobriety!!!!!!!!

Celebrating .....ME

Today is a beautiful day.......... after weeks of determined, focussed, dedicated and real hard drinking and 2 hours of preparing a presentation, I have landed the biggest deal in our company's history. The biggest award nite in Bollywood is going to b destination managed by yours truly(lets see how much longer they remain the biggest). But the one thing I have again been struck by is the fact that, the anticipation is better than the actual thing happening. i had thought that when this finally happens, I will b jumping with joy and prancing arnd and having a bash. But ........ nothing. My boss just put the whole thing on my head and asked me to give him the complete project report in 2 days. This is when i realized that my brilliance is actually a curse.
Its in the same vein that I thank god for making sure that I didnt grow beyond 5'5". Just imagine, handsome, smart...... no ... no...debonair, brilliant and TALL???????? That would have been an injustice....... what would the rest of the guys do???? But i can assure u that the most appealing of my virtues is my utter humility. In fact, its with the greatest of pride that I say that I am the most humble person that I know.
The first flash of brilliance that I can remember(and is embedded in trikkadeeri folklore) is when at the age of 5, I single handedly demolished 2 maranat appams. For the uninitiated, appam is a sweet made of jaggery,sugar, jaggery and jaggery(as u might have guessed ,I am clueless.....but thats all the taste I remember) and appam from maranatt(my cousins) are the biggest, sweetest and most sought after.......and I have seen manishettan, who is rumoured to have started the famine in Somaila when he was there in transit and needed an appitizer, struggle to finish one. Another instance was when at age 22, me and my friend deepak, finished 3 full bottles of rum in one sitting and slept through the next 36 hours.
But my greatest achievement was when I was working in Hyderabad. I happened to burn my leg and break my arm when i discovered that sliding on the Tankbund road on my side with my bike on top of me can b slightly injurious to my health(and I dont even smoke).......if ever i meet the guy who jaywalked right into me,Grrrrrrrr............ and I was going back home the next day, my friends decided to cancel the send off I was suppossed to get. But i am never the person to pass up on a free drink(Old palakkad saying ' never tempt rahul with free beer') and went to Outswinger pub, in my shorts and sleeveless, with casts on my right leg and arm..... balancing on my friends shoulder. The other pubbies gave me a gaping ovation.
But thats not all.......... on top of all this, I am kind to young kids and make it a point to help one old lady a day to cross the street, whether she wants to or not.
Now u will realize that i am speaking the unblemished truth when i tell u that I am the greatest person I have ever met. God......when will they start giving out awards for excellence in Narcissism??????????????

What is love????

Nooooo...dont worry...am not going to try and answer this question, but I am definately gonna b musing a bit abt it.

Its my favorite pastime to pester my friends who claim to b 'in love' by questioning on how they can b sure. Quite a few budding romances have been nipped when i ( by mistake of course) happen to ask the guy when he is with his ..."darling". To come back ot the matter at hand, the most popular responses have been,

1. I always think of him/her even when i am not with him/her or her/him rather to balance the sentence
2. I always yearn to be with him/her
3. I am most comfortable when with him/her...............................and the clincher
4. I can imagine every frame of my future only with he/she in it.

Ok, now to b totally frank, I too have used one or more of the above in various combinations at different points............. and equally truthfully i have never seen anyone in my future...not even myself......let alone 2 bonny kids(shit) and a nagging wife(sigh). But, the lovers will say, thats y I have never loved.

But what the hell is love????? Missing someone when they are not there??????then i am bisexual and a pervert to boot as i miss my dog at home too.(I swear i have dont nothing to my dog...so dont roll ur eyes...and please I am as hetro as they come even though i like Wham songs and the two taklus of Right Said Fred). Yearning to b with some one????then i am in love with all of my friends... Dont even talk abt the comfort level.....if that is true I am in love with my boss too(eugh!!!).

So what is it that makes ppl classify ....that feeling...as love??. Obviously its indescribable, otherwise me, with my keen intellect and probing questions, will have unearthed it. but one thing I have been able to identify abt this phenomenon is that, LOVE IS BLIND. Otherwise how can u explain the fact that my friend Dinesh Menon(name changed to protect Vijay Nair's identity), who was offered the role of Godzilla and refused as it would mean going to the dentist to clean his teeth, had a love marriage to Tina(again name changed but this time to save going to the dentist for my teeth) ????

One thing thats for sure is that, the lovey dovey couple definately want to sleep with each other, asap for the guy and god only knows when for the girl. (This is deduced from the fact the other is seen in the future with a couple of bonny kids and that due to the bird flu, all the stork deliverys are quite irregular ) And this is true for all couples...................................

But the problem here is, all the guys I know (i know me too) have had a flash of ...say 'loving' thoughts....... abt most girls they meet ( the male perversion...i know....) so does it mean that any relationship that starts with such a thought cannot b love???? I used to know a punithamana premam(pure love) couple in my college. They used to say that all that mattered was the meeting of their minds and that jsut speaking to each other once a day is enough for them........ anand was caught in her house when her parents came home early one day and the punithapremam ended with the girl getting married in arnd 1 month after the incident and delivering a 'premature' baby (but she must have gone thru a lot..poor thing).

And if love and lust go hand in hand, is tenure the only differential?????

But even though I tried not to, my vast intellect has been able to find an answer to the question at hand......... as 'love is life'....love = 42

A Visitor, Maggu & Rum

I got my first visitor(thanks maya) and I am on the top of the world....mayb not quite the top....but not at the bottom anymore. Its like shouting at the top of ur lungs at an echo point, looking down on the vast indistinct horizon and whoa!!!!!!! u get an answer.

But y should that make me feel sooo good???? is it cause i feel that someone else can hear me?????? but my friends do too(other than when all of us get drunk and I am not allowed to open my mouth and discuss philosophy with myself, cause they r all too dumb to understand...ha!!! eat that vijay). Mayb thats the point, i can get drunk and post philosophy and noone can stop me........

That takes me back to my mba days. I completed mine in Ghaziabad. I am sure all of u would have heard of IMT Ghaziabad........if u take the road just next to its campus....u will reach my college...GSBA Ghaziabad. But i was lucky that it was not like IMT....there they make u learn stuff ...am not joking..u actually have compulsory attendence. But at GSBA the main thing v learnt is that, as broke as u get towards the end of the month, never try Tharra(local liquor). v used to get it in packets from a shady place in the city and mannnnnnn ....u smell it and its over.
But i did learn a lot of things that are very important..... This is for other Institute owners in the NCR(national capital region) belt....... dont enroll keralites and hope that everything will run smoothly. I am sure Maggu(our exec dir.)never repeated the mistake.
Get ready for it folks
I was the leader of the first ever strike in the history of the college....and am sure in the whole region...... but how can i b blamed????? After 5 years of going to college in Palakkad(kerala) and learning the importance of strikes in a students life, how can i neglect to share it with my compatriots??????? Eventhough i didnt get to shout out "down with maggu" "students unity zindabad" and all that...... we still wre able to cause a stir in the campus.....if u can call two villas with a door in the wall in between a campus. We demanded everything........ more time in the computer lab.....better faculty.......better facilities.......and we won. Maggu said he will give everything...... we drank ourselves to oblivion that night proud of our success.
But v forgot that Maggu was a man of his word....and atypical of most of the breed, he didnt believe in mixing words and action. What he gave as a word, remained a word.

But by then we had discovered that sitting at the hostel and analyzing the effects of rum on the human body was much more favourable than trying to understand y globalisation is sooo damn important and y the proposed break up of Microsoft is right or wrong or whatever..... (I for one believe that its wrong...but thats just me)

More mayb in the next post......... my manager just sent me a reminder for the project that i was to submit yesterday.......better start on it now.

Me, myself & my blog

After weeks of trepadition, second thoughts, third thoughts and a lot of soul searching....I have decided to put myself ...out there...so to speak.

The past couple of months I have been a complete blogaholic too, reading any blog i can find and appreciating many and ...... running thru a few crappy ones too. But the idea of speaking my mind to the world, with no one shutting me up(a few of my friends always do that taking advantage of their larger dimensions) or directing me to a specific part of my anatomy where I can stuff my opinions in or disputing the make up of my family tree, is tooo damn attractive.
Another advantage of blogging instead of surfing that I can find even as i start is that I look much more hardworking thumping away on my laptop than continuously staring at the screen and dreamily caressing the touchpad.....tht reminds me, got to get a mouse for this bloody thing.
I hate this bloody touchpad. Its soo difficult to close the different sites I am at and also open the presentation I am suppossed to b working on in the 4 seconds that it takes my boss to come to my desk. Ohohhh, i am rambling away and I totally forget what I was intending to say....... never mind.

If anyone ever wonders abt the name........ peppone....its of one of my favorite charaters ever.....Peppone of Giovanni Geruchi's Don Camillo series(hope i got the spelling right). I know, i know....peppone of all ppl?????I also wanted it to b Howard Roark or even mayb Bertie(very close second)...... But I am tooo enamoured by the whole make up of the man. Imagine a commie mayor........ but still a loving man(yeah..yeah..influenced by the Ayn Rand anti commie philosophy too), that just blows me away....and his banter & tugs with don camillo the priest......immortal. I have only 7 books of the series, so if anyone knows where I can get more...plzzzzzzz let me know.

You know what?????this is really an addiction.......I am just not able to stop. So I better stop this one now and if (by a miracle) someone does read this....please let me know whether i should continue....not that I will stop if someone, or the whole world for that matter, says I should stop and ppl with such opinion can stick it where its small, round, deep and the sun dont shine.