Monday, April 24, 2006

My day...

Now as I drown in the sarcasm spawned by maya, je suis la femme and Nautilus about my last post, (which is total crap... the post.... for the record) I realize how much the blog world is influencing me and my daily life now.
A typical WORK day,

05.30 am : Jogging, gym, heavy workout... (as the ppl who know me grasped, its a technicolor dream)

07.30 am : Snooze the alarm

07.40 am : Ditto

07.50 am : Ditto

08.00 am : Throw alarm into the strategically placed laundry bin

08.15 am : Mobile alarm rings.....

08.17 am : Up ..... moning download....shave .....shower....

08.25 am : Leave for office (Quite Mr.Beanish )

08.30 am : Search for parking

08.45 am : Search for parking (Yup..... its the toughest thing in Dubai)

08.50 am : Double park behind the least arab owned looking car (Nissan Sunny or Toyoto corolla - the ultimate malabari vehicles )

09.00 am : Check for comments on my blog (Smile to self at the couple of comments that may b there)

09.01 am : Check outlook for my mails (Got my priorities right)

09.02 am : Browse all the 30 odd blogs on my favs

10.00 am : Reply to my official mails

Ok ... this is getting boring. To put a loooong stupid story short, I spend almost 25 percent of my most productive (ahem) time blog surfing. And the best part of my day is usually when I see a new comment on my blog..... and the second best when some extremely popular blogger acknowledges one of my dumb wisecrack with a smiley or if I am lucky, with an answer to my comment. So much so that on a day when i dont have any comments on my blog, I visit as many new blogs ( for me) as possible and leave my link so that someone might visit and leave a comment. Shit!!! Looks like my Attention seeking... no.... spotlight seeking, fluctuating self esteemed weirdo persona is encroaching on my virtual identity too.
But it has given me a reason to be in the office and try to get some work done, as opposed to taking a couple of bogus appointments to go home and sleep.....

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Need.... sleeeppp...

At last its getting over..... the past 2 days have been probably the most enlightening of my career. I discovered that after 36 hours of no sleep, I might call my boss at 4.30 in the morning and ask him to send the vehicle immd. to the airport. I also discovered that my boss, after being sleepless for roughly the same time, can put my friend D to shame with the list of expletives that can be conjured up without any notice...
But thats no easy task mind you..... I remember one time as we were lounging at the chowmein shop just outside my college and there were these Cycle Rickshaw guys oogling at the girls sitting with us and passing comments among themselves, while constantly rearranging and checking their family jewels. Now, D is no ladies man but he does have a fierce college pride and got irritated after sometime. Then...

D : "Bhaiyya idhar aaooo" (Bro come here)*I suck at all modes of communication so bear with the translation*

Immediately around 7 rickshaws were next to us.

D : "Station chaloge kya??" (Will u go to the station??)

Rickshaw Chorous : "Haan ji" (Yes....ji[?])

D : "To jaaoo naa!! Idhar kya kar rahe ho??" ( Then go, what r u doing here??)

The roaring laughter after that comment ensured that D never travelled in a rickshaw again.

But his best was yet to come....

It was raksha bandhan and as usual all of us guys ensured that v werent present in college. Unfortunately D had some project work and had to go to the library. They chased him for almost 10 minutes b4 cornering him in the canteen... (He was one of the first draft picks in any case as his caustic tounge was not limited to rickshaw guys and he used 'mader ch.d' and 'b...n ch.d' as punctuation marks in any conversation, and he was the one for gender equality as girls got the same punctuations as the guys). He had something like 6 raakhis on his arm b4 he could say anything..... but what he eventually said ensured immd. removal of the same..
"bandho bandho... par yaad rakhna, duniya ka sabse bada Behan Ch*d main hi hoon" (Tie it on... but remember I am the biggest sister fuc**r in the whole world)

As I was saying, as I have not slept for as long as I have been awake, and I have been awake for 37 hours now, I dont think I am making sense anymore and its better that I stop this right now ...... and since I have never ever been succint in any thing I write anyway, dont think anyone will notice the difference :-)

Saturday, April 15, 2006

A beer bath

I am dead...sapped of all energy and life force.... and I think I flushed the last of my weekend beer half an hour back. Now, all I can do is twiddle my thumbs till the next weekend ....... OR NOT!!!!!

Its that time of the month again...... for ppl who realize I am repeating myself, dont bother reading this or this. But I am gonna get sloshed beyond repair again tonight and to top it off, I get to check out Buddha Bar....yayyyyyyy.

(I am trying the hyperlink thingy for the first time, so do forgive me if you suddenly see SITE BLOCKED page.....Total Digression - I wonder how they rationalize giving 'ladies of the night' a free rein and block the relatively insignificant porn sites....) But last thursday was spectacularly fun.......... we ended up at 'X' nightclub (name changed for no particular reason...other than the fact that it was a pick up joint and I dont want anyone to know that I went there) which has a kick ass filipino rock band. Their base player is this hot babe (even filipino's look hot after a trip to the real Arabia) and she goes totally bezerk when they play 'Sweet Child of Mine'....she snatches the lead guitar and then headbangs and plays with the guitar behind her shoulders.......... that move has the advantage of giving us frustrated souls a 4 minute view of her pierced belly button and 4 tatoo's around it. Quite classy stuff..... but thats not the point of the narrative....

There was 5 of us, 3 guys and 2 girls (yup, I was the odd man out....*sob*) and all of us guys share an affinity to Pool. So when the band having their break, we started a game and the girls sat at our table judging anyone and everyone who stepped into that place (really...girls). Suddenly the DJ stops and there is a loud crash (interchangable...was too fast to time) v rush to see the fun and almost had a heart attack at the sight.....

There was this 6 ft. tall arab guy(for me anyone taller than 5'8" is neck cant move any further) drenched to the bone in beer with a broken pitcher at his feet, looking like Tusshar Kapoor in a comedy scene....romantic scene.... action scene....asleep.....i.e totally shell shocked and my friend Shamita(name changed to protect her boyfriend thru whom I know her) trying her best to demolish a black wall, which on closer inspection turned out to be Ceaser, the bouncer(again 6 ft tall). Apparantly this guy wanted the girls to join him in a drink and made the cardinal mistake of bringing a pitcher of beer with him........ poor guy, a textbook case of 'I didnt know girls had balls' syndrome. Somebody give that girl a medal.......

I am now totally terrified of her....... and have vowed to never talk to her when v have just ordered a pitcher and am still condering how she managed to splash the beer over a 6ft(?) guy when she is a proud 5'2" in her heels!!!!!

Damn!! If only I can build up enough courage to ask her to teach me.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Sense & Nonsensibility

After my brief tryst with philosophy yesterday, I have discovered one important thing about myself........ I am incoherent. I read my post today and couldnt make head or tail of what it was about. So inorder to not loose the precious few friends who visit my blog, I am desisting from my threat yesterday of writing more glibberish.

Its really weird, I have the whole concept laid out perfectly in my head, but when i typed it in it looked more or less like a bloody scrabble board. Infact, that might have made more sense. But in any case, it doesnt matter that i cant understand my own writing since I understand the ultimate truth...... uh ohhhh looks like I am entering the glibberish roundabout again!!!

Its been my boon & bane through the many exams that have I have 'just passed' over the years...... The only one I ever failed is my accountancy in final year Bcom....and true to my goal of being the best at whatever i do, when i failed .... i failed miserably. But it really was a great shock to my whole family that I passed all the rest..... since my first and second year exams were more or less drinks breaks from the cricket matches I was playing in. Infact I am quite proud of that feat too.... 21 papers at one go and lost only one....but I digress..
As I was saying, till my tenth exams, I really used to put in a major effort to study and gain good marks..... since my mom was faster, stronger and more cunning than me till then. But after that..... my prose writing has been basically a whirlpool of generalities from which the real smart examiner can fish out gems(and a few did....otherwise I cant find any reason for me to pass any of the exams ever).

But that doesnt apply to my statistics exam ..... I still dont know how I passed that one. There was this guy sitting in front of me, Ranjith.P if i remember right, he had 'bits' by the dozens and was using them and throwing them under the bench. I had no clue what the question paper required me to do and was contemplating the vital statistics of Pamela Anderson, Sharon Stone etc.... when I observed a few chits near my shoe. Confession time.....I am ashamed to say that untill then I never had the guts to copy.... but this was a new situation..... the only connection I had with the subject was the question paper I had and I certainly didnt want to score an even zero.

So the game began......

* Look left ... look right.... again look left ...then look right.........I did my table fan impression for another 10 minutes b4 I was certain that the professor was actually sleeping.

*Slight, miniscule movement of the right leg.....

*Look left... look right....again look left...then look right....

(Yes u guesses it, its the road crossing technique customised for copying....I adapt fast!!)

To cut a looong story short, I was able to appropriate one of the biggest chits in roughly one hour.

And yayyyyyyy...... two of the answers on the chit had the same elements as the two 20 mark questions.

*Fold the chit and hide it in the palm........

*look left ....look right.....again look left...then look right..... write the first word

and so on and so forth..... In the last one and half hours i copied the two answers verbatim and submitted the paper 5 minutes b4 the warning bell even.

I then went upto ranjith

Me - "the exam was ok naaa????"

Ranjith-"Was good"

Me - Almost jumping with joy

Ranjith - "But man, I had 7 chits and not a single question was on those"....................

But still I passed the exam.......

Jai Calicut University!!!!!!

Saturday, April 08, 2006


I have been commenting at a lot of different blogs on philosophy and several have asked me to clear my stand on life and the reasons for it...... here goes my attempt. I know I will sound disjoined and confused...... but thats just who i am :-)

At first there was nothing and then........ - Cant digest that, ..nothing can come from let me assume that there was something. A single, all encompassing entity.

Now comes the tricky part,

If there is only can you know what you are???

That is, if there is nothing to compare with, nothing can be determined about anything. If there is only fun and no pain, noone would know what fun is...... this relativity is what I am talking abt. Now the assumption here is that this entity wants to know itself and sceptics ask y such a powerful and omnipotent entity will think so.... My answer to that is, The search for 'I' or 'Who am I' is the driving force for most of us and I for one am attributing that drive to the Soul, which I will come to in due course.

Now since this entity was to learn about it self and it can do so only through relativity, it creates something... say for example space. It then compares its feeling as space to its feeling as the sole entity..... if it matches, bingo....otherwise, the next creation and the cycle is begun.

Now the point here to understand is that the sapce-time continuem that we live in is not present for the entity.....simple because it created it. So the past, present and future is the same. Everything that is happening and is yet to happen has already happened and vice versa.

(I know that I am confusing the hell out of any unlucky soul who stumbles on this post and I beg their forgiveness....but I just have to write this to see what my convictions r worth)

Now as this supreme entity creates all that is, its element is present in everything. The energy that causes the electrons to move..... where does that come from???? Energy cannot from nothing...... and this something that it comes from is my supreme power.

So it is present in everything, the desk, an ant, glass, straw .....anything and everything is an experiance which can answer the ultimate question. And as there are no two exactly same things .... every form is a different experiance.... this explains the need for multiple units of essentially the same thing.

Now as the sole purpose of this is .....self awareness, this power is least bothered abt good, bad, pure, evil and all that crap. Mayb it finds itself in the cruellest of ideas....u never know.

I will try to put firth my views on good, bad and all that crap in the next one..... I hope I can!!!!!

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Quit ???????

Quitting is not in my blood.... in fact, I dont think its in anybody's blood if I remember my biology classes right... but cant b too sure since i started listening only after a closed door session for chapter 3 of my 10th standard biology textbook..... and that class had nothing to do with blood, eventhough we did discuss in depth about a few other bodily fluids.
But coming back to the topic at hand, I just wont quit.... my determination is already legendary in the Trikkadeeri folklore after the time i refused to quit playing cricket matches during my 1st and 2nd year degree examinations. And this trait of mine has only grown stronger with age..... now i refuse to quit drinking chilled beer even though my doctor seems to think that my lungs are more congested than the rush hour Mumbai local trains. A few coughs are not a big price to pay for inebriation.
But i did realize recently that life is not all about getting drunk and babes...... its also about food. I went to this restaurant called Chinese Village at sea view and godddd... I found paradise...(i just couldnt remember the spelling for haevan...hevean...havaen...crap, so used paradise) and it was called 'crispy spinach with fried chicken'. I had no idea that anyone other than 'popeye the sailor man... toot toot' could ever eat spinach. But now I have realized how healthy spinach is and plan to eat it regularly.
So much to write and sooo little time....better get back to work now or I will have to work at chinese village!!!

Saturday, April 01, 2006

No Love for PavLov

Pavlov was wrong....... and his dog deserved the dogs life it got!!!! There is no such thing as stimuli-response and all that crap.

If this fantasy theory was true, how can you explain this:

Date Time Fines source Area Fees
14/06/05 10.06 Dubai Traffic Al Sofouh St 200
14/07/05 15.22 Dubai Traffic Al Sofouh St 200
03/08/05 17.09 Dubai Traffic Al Sofouh St 200
16/08/05 18.55 Dubai Traffic Al Sofouh St 200
03/09/05 18.34 Dubai Traffic Al Sofouh St 200
04/09/05 19.22 Dubai Traffic Al Sofouh St 200

These are the basic details of my speeding fines during last year. A few things are immediately apprant..........
  • I drive too damn fast
  • I tend to drive faster during the second half of the day
  • I dont drive too fast during the last couple of weeks
  • Dubai traffic are sob's
  • There are 3 constants, A) Dubai Traffic, B) 200 and the most important C)Al Sofouh St.

At last, my final bcom exams have been surpassed in my 'Waterloo' scale.... the new winner is Al Sofouh Street.

In a period of roughly 3 months, I got flashed(radar flash.....u perverts) 6 times from the same radar at the same street during roughly the same time(majority). I am sure that Mr. 'Stimuli Dog' would have slowed down in that general area after the first couple of flashes.... if it was a true experiment. I am certain now that the dog was bribed to act the way he did and i also realize what"under laboratory conditions" mean!!

This is the problem if u trust your text books....... I was confident that this theory will hold me in good stead and I wont get more than a couple of tickets....but what happened????I am out of AED 1200. If only I had slept during that lesson as during the rest of my student life...the single thing that i learnt cost me this much, lucky I know nothing else.

This the problem I have with all experiments, scientific theories and postulates and all those perfect logics...... The best illustration is that, u cant draw a bloody straight line and the straight line is the basis for most of geometry. Ok....mayb that was stupid...but if I am stupid enough to throw 1200 down the limits are endless.

But, I really dont understand y they should allow cars which can touch 300 km/hr if the speed limit is just 120?????? Isnt it entrapment??????

Speeders of the world unite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!