Monday, May 08, 2006

Am Back ......

To all the THOUSANDS of my fans, I deeply regret the pain and suffering caused to you by my lack of blogging... (please... no other permutations and combinations of the scentence invited... but still if you feel the urge to comment on it, feel free to write it down and snail mail it to me). Its been a crazy few days...... I have just been initiaited in the art of 'taking out clients for Lunch/ Dinner and billing it to the company'. Its a tough art to master, but with a quick learner like me its just a matter of one time example and immediate mastery.

So yesterday, as a part of my duty of course, I toolk a few clients out to dinner at the Burj... (for all u innocents, its the only 7 star luxury hotel in the world........ ha!!! I spy with my eyelovely shades of green ). Since the client wanted the Arabian Experiance, I took them(magnanimously) to the speciality restaurant.

Bigggggg mistake!!!!!

I swear its soooo difficult to eat at such a place.

First of all, I am certain that they dont trust you(or rather me.... since I am the one in the 7* luxury hotel) with anything in the Restaurant.

We reached the table assigned to us and whoom.... 5 blue clad terrorists jumped out of nowhere and wresteled us into the chairs...... I am not exaggerating(ahem!) they pulled back the chairs and pushed it on the back of my knees.... thump!, they they took white pieces of cloth... (I was sure it was to gag us..) and spread it on our laps.... felt real weird.

(*Subtle self glorification* But am sure that anyone who goes to the 7* luxury hotel has got to be prepared for such stuff.)

I just managed to control my nerves, when the sardar of the terrorists...(no beard but.... please dont bomb us here) thrust gold woven menus on our face..... soooo taste fully printed in ARABIC. Luckily, after 4 years in Dubai, I had picked up the language(quick learner remember) and so gravely tolf the sardar, "Salaam aliyekum"..... "shoo"(what) pointing to a particularly heavily priced dish. I could see that the clients and the sardar were extremely impressed by my eloquence and am certain that all the sniggers were about some private joke that I was not privvy to.
The volley in arabic that the sardar let loose would have felled a weaker man, but nein moi (wow... more languages)... I stared into his eyes and told him "shukran" (thank you). Then asked him, in english, to bring mixed grills and seafood platters.....
But the real tension between me and the sardar began, when I wanted beer and he was forcing some old over-ripe grape juice on us. I think his right eyebrow might have cut a swath on the ceiling when i told him..""

But the weirdest thing for me is the way they stare at you..... as we were the only ppl in the restaurant at the time, we had the undivided attention of around 1500 minions and a few sardars..... its a frightening experiance, when u know that if u cut the meat wrong, there might be retributions.... So i decided to be smart and concentrated on the Beer and the canapes(another peril of going to a 7* luxury hotel) and only the tikkas of the platter... no cutting ...just forking.

But the biggest rush was when the sarder gave us a ransom note well into the 4 figures and I....I swiped the card for it......... yayyyyyyyyyyyyy