Celebrating .....ME

Today is a beautiful day.......... after weeks of determined, focussed, dedicated and real hard drinking and 2 hours of preparing a presentation, I have landed the biggest deal in our company's history. The biggest award nite in Bollywood is going to b destination managed by yours truly(lets see how much longer they remain the biggest). But the one thing I have again been struck by is the fact that, the anticipation is better than the actual thing happening. i had thought that when this finally happens, I will b jumping with joy and prancing arnd and having a bash. But ........ nothing. My boss just put the whole thing on my head and asked me to give him the complete project report in 2 days. This is when i realized that my brilliance is actually a curse.
Its in the same vein that I thank god for making sure that I didnt grow beyond 5'5". Just imagine, handsome, smart...... no ... no...debonair, brilliant and TALL???????? That would have been an injustice....... what would the rest of the guys do???? But i can assure u that the most appealing of my virtues is my utter humility. In fact, its with the greatest of pride that I say that I am the most humble person that I know.
The first flash of brilliance that I can remember(and is embedded in trikkadeeri folklore) is when at the age of 5, I single handedly demolished 2 maranat appams. For the uninitiated, appam is a sweet made of jaggery,sugar, jaggery and jaggery(as u might have guessed ,I am clueless.....but thats all the taste I remember) and appam from maranatt(my cousins) are the biggest, sweetest and most sought after.......and I have seen manishettan, who is rumoured to have started the famine in Somaila when he was there in transit and needed an appitizer, struggle to finish one. Another instance was when at age 22, me and my friend deepak, finished 3 full bottles of rum in one sitting and slept through the next 36 hours.
But my greatest achievement was when I was working in Hyderabad. I happened to burn my leg and break my arm when i discovered that sliding on the Tankbund road on my side with my bike on top of me can b slightly injurious to my health(and I dont even smoke).......if ever i meet the guy who jaywalked right into me,Grrrrrrrr............ and I was going back home the next day, my friends decided to cancel the send off I was suppossed to get. But i am never the person to pass up on a free drink(Old palakkad saying ' never tempt rahul with free beer') and went to Outswinger pub, in my shorts and sleeveless, with casts on my right leg and arm..... balancing on my friends shoulder. The other pubbies gave me a gaping ovation.
But thats not all.......... on top of all this, I am kind to young kids and make it a point to help one old lady a day to cross the street, whether she wants to or not.
Now u will realize that i am speaking the unblemished truth when i tell u that I am the greatest person I have ever met. God......when will they start giving out awards for excellence in Narcissism??????????????